Fake It ‘Till Ya Make It

      This really doesn’t apply in situations that involve: Brain Surgery, driving (like your fellows roadsters really need another excuse to be pissed about something), machines that could potentially sever limbs, and possibly the Rodeo.

Other than that, you should be good to go or if in doubt consult your nearest browser.

I’m writing this as more of an affirmation to myself than anything.

I have a niggle in my brain that says a lot of stupid things, like, the one that goes “You have to know everything before you can do that”, which can come in handy in some scenarios. For instance, say, you were jumping off of something high, it’s best to know beforehand there’s something cushy down below.

I know my brain is really protecting me because, you know, it loves me or whatever, at least it loves the body it inhabits. It would prefer to stay alive as long as possible.  There are times, however, I wish I could disengage that function or program it to come on only when really necessary, not for the little non-life threatening stuff.

Yet it’s there, and while I know I’m not fearing for my life, I am still fearful. Fearful of making mistakes, doing it wrong, mockery, red faced embarrassment etc.

So, maybe if I gather every bit if information I need I won’t make mistakes, feel embarrassed, or get laughed at? Probably not, but my brain thinks so and inevitably I follow orders and start sifting through infinite input until I get fed up from lack of action, and I forget the whole thing altogether.

 

And my damn brain just sits up there, sipping coffee sayin’ “Jenny, it’s safe here, don’t go outside”.
So I gaze out through the window, longing to be outside, but too scared to do it because it’s safer here.
And in truth, it is safer. Safer and limited.

One particular thing that changed my outlook of the safe house was when I first listened to Susan Jeffers. She said, not verbatim, something to the effect of : “living with fear and allowing it to limit you produces more anxiety than living with fear but not giving a flying pig and doing it anyway”.
don’t quote me.
Fear is present. It’s good for us (after all, what is the point of a decent horror film without a bit of fear, eh??).  It’s just slightly too neurotic and paranoid sometimes.
Rejection and feeling of failure, whatever that means to you, totally blows. I would be impressed if there is one person that genuinely feels super whilst experiencing the emotional fallout from it. Some people do seem to view these experiences as winning, mind you, because they are pressing forward and challenging themselves despite the outcome, aka a personal win. yay! high five!
So then maybe the key to it all is just doing it. Learn as you go along, but don’t focus too much on what you don’t know in the mean time, focus on what you DO know and what you want to get at the end of it. What does the end game look like for you? It’s fine and dandy getting advice, to be informed and knowing how other folks go about it, but really it’s your life, your way. What do you want to see looking back at your life in 5 years? That you were neat, tidy, cautious, clean and bored? That you kept in line with other people? Were you good? hmm?!?
Or…You played outside in the rain with no shoes, tore up your favorite shirt, made some people angry, but you have an absolute blast, you have made friends and you learn all the time?
I don’t know about you, but these walls are driving me mad!

This is something I am striving to work towards everyday. Feel the fear and carry on.  I may forget my shoes as I leap out the door, (keys more likely. Or my wallet, and that’s because the friggin’ thing got wedged in between the driver’s seat and the most unreachable depths underneath, it’s the black hole of the car. You think your socks had it bad) but it’s not going to kill me and even if it did I wouldn’t know any better.
So with all of this in mind, it then seems reasonable to gently remind your brain, as it sits smugly sipping coffee, that you may not know EVERYTHING, but you are not going to know ANYTHING by doing NOTHING. (so stick that in your cup, Brain… and…try not to choke…)

It’s better to start somewhere, even small. One foot forward and before you know it you’ll be causing all sorts of trouble in the neighborhood!

-J
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